


Bone-crushing lack of him

by enkelimagnus



Series: Ficlet Instruments Prompts [6]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Background Catarina Loss/Dorothea "Dot" Rollins, Drunk Texting, M/M, Memories, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-11 08:23:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20543066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enkelimagnus/pseuds/enkelimagnus
Summary: Magnus gets drunk and texts his ex.When he wakes up, hangover, everything comes back to the surface.Maybe everything is not as doomed as he thinks he is.





	Bone-crushing lack of him

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [sh_ficletinstruments](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/sh_ficletinstruments) collection. 

> **Prompt:**
> 
> Regrets over last nights alcohol consumption not only because of the hangover. Did I really say that? Oh my god they're going to hate me now or think I'm ridiculous. (Spoiler: They don't.)

His head hurts and everything is blurry. His limbs feel heavy and his mouth feels a bit pasty. It’s the morning after getting drunk, and Magnus knows it way too personally.

He huffs and shifts in his bed. The other side of the bed is empty. It always is. Whether he slept with someone or not, his bed will always be empty when he wakes up. He doesn’t like when they stay the night. They know all he wants is a one night stand.

He hasn’t felt like this in months. He’s been getting help, he drinks less, gets drunk less. Last night was an anomaly.

It’s not hard to remember why he got drunk. Catarina and Dot took him to their Italian place for dinner. They don’t know the significance of that place for him. Else they wouldn’t have taken him there.

There had been shadows of Alec everywhere, memories that he’d willed away, but that didn’t want to disappear from this place. The restaurant had been theirs once. Alec’s favorite had been put on the permanent menu.

So Magnus had left the girls, let them go home to their daughter, only adopted a couple of months prior, and he’d gone out, and he’d gone drinking.

Magnus blinks his eyes open. He remembers what he did once he was drunk enough to decide to take an uber home. He’d texted Alec.

His phone’s light makes him groan, the bedroom was still plunged in darkness. He opens the text conversation.

_Hey Lightwood. MB_  
_Since when do you call me Lightwood? AL_

Alec had been awake. Magnus reads the curses he’d written. They’d had a weird conversation. Magnus isn’t very focused when he’s drunk, he never was.

The conversation snakes between asking how Alec is, apologizing for the umpteenth time, explaining why he’s texting, and Magnus’ latest insecurities.

He’s 30 now. Cat and Dot have a daughter. He’s alone, and he feels a bit empty. He misses Alec.

He knows he had a big hand in fucking them up. He knows the traumas and the drinking didn’t make it easy to be with him. He knows it’s mostly his fault.

_I miss you. MB_

That was the last of the text messages and Alec has yet to answer it. Maybe he will never. Maybe he will and it will be pure and complete rejection. Maybe he’s dating someone new. It would be normal. Alec has always preferred long relationships, and it’s been seven months since Magnus yelled at him to get out, after yet another screaming match, and Alec had not come home afterwards, ever.

Magnus regrets texting him. He shouldn’t have. He should have kept it all to himself, the dreams of Alec and the bone-crushing lack of him. The sweaters he left behind stopped smelling like him and his cologne months ago.

Magnus tries to go back to sleep. The second he closes his eyes, his phone rings.

It’s a text from Alec.

_I’m coming over now. AL_


End file.
